in retrospect, yikes
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The Signs As…. Iconic John Mulaney Quotes
Aries: “Brush your teeth. Now, boom, orange juice. That’s life.”“
Taurus: ”My vibe is like, you could pour hot soup in my lap and I would probably apologize to you.”
Gemini: “Because we’re Delta Airlines and life is a fucking nightmare~”
Cancer: “First of, no.”
Leo: “My dad pulled into the drive-thru, and we started cheering and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.”
Virgo: “And I had that thought… That only blackout drunks and Steve Urkel could have.”
Libra: “Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”
Scorpio: “I just need everyone to like me so bad.”
Sagittarius: “Everyone get out of my way. I just want to sit here and feed my birds.”
Capricorn: “And I said no. You know, like a liar.”
Aquarius: “I’ll keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.”
Pisces: “In terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.